Helpful Hints
From the members of Extended Family, a support system for families of prisoners
Get a power of attorney for the family member who is incarcerated. This document will allow you to sell items owned by the incarcerated (such as vehicles), cash income tax checks made out to both of you, and many other things.
Find out if you can keep health insurance for children and/or spouse through the prisoner’s former employer
Find and participate in a support group such as Extended Family, Kairos, or your church family.
Consider seeing a counselor for a period of time so you can learn new life skills.
Take time to have fun! This is very important for families with children. Remember, we don’t have to do their time.
Write to the prisoner and let them write to you – but try not to set expectations about how often they will write or you will write; just do your best and know that they are doing their best
Remember that prison rules are in place to keep your family member safe. When the rules change often it is the system’s way of keeping harmful things out (such as drugs or weapons).
Always take an extra set of clothes with you to the visit. These will be your “fail safe clothes” -- tennis shoes, long heavy pants (not sweat pants), long-sleeved shirt (no see-through material), all dark, loose clothing. If you arrive at the visit and the dress code rules have changed, or you accidentally wore something you could not (such as sleeves too short), then you have a change of clothes in the car and can still get into the visit.
Ask the prison for a written set of rules regarding visitation and other contact with the prisoners. Some of these may be on the prison’s Web site. Remember that they will change from time to time.
Every state’s rules are different, and every prison’s rules are different. Don’t take advice from a family member who is not experienced with the rules of the prison you are visiting – and remember that the prison rules change frequently.
Most prisons have a visitation list – you must be on that list in order to be allowed to visit the prisoner and sometimes there is a waiting period before getting on that list. The inmate will be given the rules for who can visit and when.
Make provisions within your budget to send the prisoner money as you can. There is no reason to put your finances in jeopardy by sending more money than you can comfortably send. If you make a plan on how much to send and how often to send it, then the prisoner can make a plan as to how he or she will budget the amounts they receive. Remember, the prisoner is incarcerated because of actions taken on their part. Let them take responsibility for those actions. You do not have to literally pay for your loved one’s mistakes, but you can help them by sending funds that are within your budget.
Schedule a date and time for the prisoner to call, and make sure the expense of the phone calls is included in your family budget. Having a set day to receive the call is helpful to you and to the inmate. You can both plan on the day you will talk and be prepared to talk about things you need to discuss.
Find out about all of the government, community, and church agencies in
your community that offer services to help you in this season of your life.